man in the mirror

I feel stuck. My family and I have been careful since March 13. We wear masks when we go into buildings that aren’t our home. We wash and sanitize our hands. We grocery shop sparingly and really don’t do much of any other kinds of shopping if we can avoid it. We visit with friends outdoors only.

My kids have started their summer jobs. So, they’re getting out of the house a bit. Which is great for them. My spouse is still working from home. I have sporadic jobs. But my numbers are down. (I’m not surprised.)

Last week we had a COVID-19 scare in our house. One of my kids spiked a 104º fever. The strep test was negative, so they did a COVID test. We waited for five really long days for those results. We cancelled everything. I even held back on physically distanced visits with friends. So, ultimately, it was super isolating inside of an already isolated bubble.

The thing about the COVID test was that it scared me straight. It made me realize how much we don’t actually want this virus. It’s not just for old people.

Admittedly, I’m a democrat. I listen to Dr. Fauci, and not Prezzy Chump. In him, I see a mockery of humanity and all that was good in our country. As if the pandemic raging out of control in our country wasn’t enough, now this lunatic is fanning the flames of racism and culture wars. Oh, and let’s not even mention the bounty on our American soldiers’ heads, because he certainly isn’t mentioning it.

My Twitter feed is full of raging people who spew venomous hate toward people who are different from them; whether that difference be in color, language, or mask wearing. As a nation, we can’t even get on board with a unified plan of how to combat this virus. So, corona continues to wreak havoc.

I have read so many articles about masks. Ultimately I’m going to continue to wear one. Pre-pandemic surgeons have found it a good practice to wear masks in the operating room. Their intent is to keep their own cooties to themselves and not share them into a sliced open patient’s body. That’s all I need to know.

Yes, sometimes when I wear a mask, my face sweats. I feel panic rise and I feel as though I’m not getting enough air. But, that’s when I have to slow down my breathing and remind myself that I’m okay. And you know what? It’s like magic. Everything assimilates and regulates and I can continue wearing my mask. People who cannot wear masks because of legitimate health reasons should stay home. There is a vicious virus on the loose.

The year 2020 will go down in the history books as a very lengthy chapter. There is so much constantly happening. What isn’t medical, is hate fueled. Our country is developing deep fissures where Prezzy Chump insists on ignoring serious crimes against America, firing those who would uncover his own crimes, or Tweeting his racist ideologies. Either he is overt, or his message is in the silence. With 130,000 dead Americans from the corona virus, and no plan for tomorrow, let alone a second term, I cannot fathom how anyone can look past that and cite “his policies” as a reason to vote for him again.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

I hope that the second half of 2020 will be full of the change many of us are seeking. That health and prosperity and civil rights will be restored. I hope that venomous, active hatred will fizzle out of the people who are working so hard to spread it. I hope that the “bad apple” police officers won’t spoil the barrel and that peace will be achieved.

I hope that 2020 will be remembered as the year of resilience. I hope that when you look in the mirror, you see the change you wish to see in the world. And if you see a sour-racist-angry-hate-monger, then the change actually needs to begin with you.

I love words. Words swirl and dance around in my head. I have many deep thoughts. Some thoughts plague me. In order to release them, I have to assign words. Once the words are strung together, I feel free again.

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