This summer I desperately needed a reset. Last school year was quite intense, and I don’t think I started in the proper headspace to begin with. I had to renegotiate my personal boundaries, learn to process the bureaucracy, and accept that which I could not change. While most of my colleagues worked summer school, I opted out.

My last working day was a Friday. It was professional development, with no students. My joy was impossible to disguise as I was grateful to have completed the school year. There were many times I wasn’t sure I’d survive in one piece. So, on that last day, I was giddy in celebration of having survived, and to be facing ten weeks with no work. The following day, I felt a physical shift in my shoulders as weight I didn’t know I was carrying evaporated. I had a very physical release of tension.

At the onset of the summer I wrote a long list with very carefully drawn check boxes of tasks, chores, and projects I wanted to accomplish over the summer. I promised to focus more inwardly rather than outwardly. I don’t know how to explain that other than to say I wanted to prioritize myself and my people. I decided to stay off of Instagram for the summer.

I have a very natural tendency to idle. If wasting time was an Olympic sport, I would have been on the Wheaties box. I didn’t want to continue that over the summer, as it is not actually a gainful event. There’s no bringing home the gold when you can lose yourself in the nothing. I think idling had become my way of coping. I could turn off my mind and scroll mindlessly, ignoring my own woes.

I scheduled a solo road trip for June to visit a friend who had moved away. I hadn’t traveled like this since pre-pandemic. I had forgotten that this was something I could do. I had lost track of how good it felt to plan, execute, and appreciate a trip all by myself. The icing on the cake (is there such a thing as cake without icing?) is that a friend I had not seen in twenty years met me and we rebooted our friendship.

In July I spent eight nights at Lake Michigan with three different groups of people. During this trip, I reunited with another friend I hadn’t seen in quite a while! And in August I took a quick trip with my beloved parents to the St. Clair River. (Wow, Michigan is magnificent.)

Since I let my peeps on Instagram know I wouldn’t be on, I didn’t post any photos. I logged on a few times, for work and for a quick catching-up. Without the pressure of posting photos, I actually took fewer photos. This isn’t a bummer, because I was way more present. I remembered what it was like to have special moments, and to keep them for myself.

So, I’m now feeling ready to go back to work. I hardly remember this version of me. I mean, I am me, but, like, I’ve chiseled a layer of calcification off my pumping heart, allowing it to beat bigger and stronger. Overall, I feel more settled. I’ve let some stuff go after learning a few tricks to quash my anxieties. I returned to the more carefree version of myself that existed pre-2016.

Hey, here I am.

Oh, and that carefully penned list of things to do?

Didn’t check a single box.