Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We’re in a phase of fashion wherein we wear what suits us. There seem to be fewer rules. People dress themselves as they see fit. Regardless of their shape, size, gender. And I am totally here for it. However, there’s just one thing: thighs that eat shorts. Maybe I’m wrong, but I never thought that said that was an aesthetic worth aspiring to for anyone. It’s not just the inverted V, it’s the awkward tugging and pulling of said shorts that really seals the deal for me. Nope. Just no.

When I was about twenty-six, someone casually said “My, you have a lot of rules.” And it stopped me in my tracks. I hadn’t thought of it before in such terms. But yea, I guess I do. I like structure and order. I simply comply with a list of dozens and dozens of guidelines in order to maintain my own contentment. My spirit is free, but my body is high maintenance. I am very decisive about what I like and what I don’t. I know what works for me and what doesn’t.

For example, I cannot wear polyester shirts in the summer. I mean, I can, but it’s not advisable. So I won’t. They’re suffocating. And because it’s not a natural material, all kinds of bacteria live in the fibers which add an unpleasant aroma. Don’t even get me started on recycled polyester that I’m now seeing in today’s cheap fashions. (Insert vomit emoji here.) I watched a human, swathed in polyesters, complain about the heat, furiously wiping sweat off their brow, and I thought “shed that polyester and you will feel so much better!” But I digress.

For the last several years I’ve declared not to wear shorts in public. (Around the house, in the yard, fine.) Until today. You might be surprised to know that there are guidelines surrounding this liberation. The shorts have to be long enough not to ride up, because that’s still a no-no. That’s still unsavory. And not polyester shorts for the same afore mentioned reasons.

I put on some shorts this morning not expecting to leave the house. But when I looked in the mirror, I thought, “I could do this in public. This is okay.” So I did. I went to TWO stores. And in one of them, caught up with an friend. I didn’t even flinch or apologize for my attire. And I tell you what, after years of wearing skorts, skirts with undershorts, palazzo pants, cropped pants etc., anything to avoid shorts… this was such a thrill. I had freedom to move, I didn’t have to worry about the wind blowing my skirt up.

I walked through my shops without a single tug, tuck, or pull of any adjustment. I shared with my spouse that I had left the house in shorts, by golly! He said “those are hardly shorts” and he’s not wrong by today’s standard. But I tell you what, they’re where I’m comfortable. And they don’t ride up! I’m ordering more immediately.