I am not originally from here, so sometimes things around here strike me as… different from what I’m used to. The first half of my life I lived elsewhere. And now I have an anxious dog. These two fun facts combined are what inspire my rant, er, post.

Is any other town as obsessed with fireworks? I mean, I think every town, village, or city in America shoots them off for the July 4th Independence Day. But Memorial Day? Labor Day? A random Tuesday evening in June? Naturally, with so many fireworks blasting, and with the current state of lawlessness in these parts, I often pause and wonder “was that a firework or a gunshot?” I wait for the telltale sizzle or repetition before picking up the phone to call 911.

Some dude left a sum of cash and his beloved property to the county park district, thus ensuring that local fireworks on Memorial Day, July 4th, and Labor Day will continue indefinitely. Thanks. How thoughtful. (He and his wife did donate their land for public use while still alive, their intentions were good, for sure.) However, here we are decades later, still being blasted with the sounds of the celebrations.

Add to this that the state of Michigan changed the fireworks rules and now you, as an individual, have access to more than just the sparklers and driveway glows of my youth. Consumers can now blow off some big noises (and their fingers) for all within miles to enjoy.

Ah, Memorial Day. The kick off to summer. We grill some meats and load up with potato salad in anticipation of a really great time. Pools are opened and it’s officially sunscreen season. Naturally, we honor the holiday with a fireworks display at the park I mentioned. Memorial Day. The day of remembrance for our fallen heroes who died fighting for our freedom. Possibly in a battle situation that sounds an awful lot like a fireworks show finale. Those that survived might have PTSD. And here we are in our reds, whites, and blues making some serious noise. Who loves ya? ‘Mericans. Some people are in such a tizzy about Jesus being the reason for the season at X’mas, well, let’s put some of that same energy behind remembering why Memorial Day is a thing and quietly go about honoring our fallen.

On July 4, 1776, the first Independence Day celebration included thirteen canon ball shots off of a ship. So, this holiday has always been associated with noise. Fine. But is it necessary for the city I live in to allow fireworks from June 30-July 4, 11:00am-11:45pm? Is it just me or is that excessive? Because sure enough, for five days and nights, we are assaulted by random pops of noise that terrify my dog. Admittedly, before I had this particular pup, it didn’t bother me. But her trembling, refusing to potty, hiding in the closet, and subsequent phobia of going outside for weeks after the holiday, have completely sensitized me to the plight of others. This is just ridiculous. Too far, you’ve gone TOO FAR!

To close out our summer celebrations, Labor Day is yet another big fireworks holiday around here. As with Memorial Day, my city allows for fireworks the two days before the holiday, plus the Monday, 11am-11:45pm. Three days of blasts to mark what? What is it we are celebrating exactly? Our last hoorah of summer? Why is there a parade associated with the first Monday of September? Bueller? Bueller?

In the 98 days of summer, my city allows for 11 of them to be peppered with huge noises that terrify and delight. Let’s also mix in the random Tuesday evening a few weeks ago, and last Sunday night. Sure those days were important enough to somebody to send off some dazzlers into the night sky. Meanwhile, those of us who suffer from the jitters can think of a dozen better ways to celebrate. And sadly are forced to medicate.